Heroes
and Villains
A
response to the commentaries about the October Presidential Elections in
Georgia
‘A
hero/ine is a person who goes above and beyond what would be expected from
someone. Typically, the hero/ine does this in order to save others that are in
harm’s way. Heroes and hero/ines are the
protectors of those who are ‘weak’. Some other characteristics of a (modern)
hero/ine is that they display a great deal of courage. They take action
regardless of being afraid, they are decisive,
they take action with no second thoughts or hesitation, they are
helpful to those who are in need, they
have a strong dedication to selfless service and they are always willing to
place their own lives in harm’s way first before placing the danger on some-
one else. A hero/ine always does the
right thing; they are determined to be honourable and loyal in their actions.’
When
I read this I do not think ‘Politician’(1) or ‘Dictator’ (2). I could think
‘Firefighter’ or ‘Police Officer’ but that would be my little girl me
regurgitating gender stereotypes I was bought up to believe in. What I actually
think of is ‘Mother’.
Which
is a bit strange really because the role of the Georgian mother is a myriad of
contradictions. I started to explore
this in my previous blog Language and Waiting http://sarahcobham1.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/language-and-waiting.html. However, now I want to reflect on the Georgian woman from a
grass root experience and what I know myself to be a certain reality. Revered
in the traditional Supra toast (by men) and linked through superstition and
Orthodox ideology to Mary, the virgin Mother, the public hero/ine in a Georgian family is simply Deda.
My
experience of Georgian women is a complex one and part of me feels like I am betraying
fellow women by seeming to criticise them. However, in my experience the
differences in culture and identity are so vast, so yawningly cavernous it is
almost like I am writing about a different species. I think the aspirations of what a hero/ine is are similar but the actions and context in which perceived heroic behaviour is
demonstrated are poles apart. In other
words what we see as being villainous they see as being heroic.
Those
who read all the blogs and articles that come out of Georgia will recognise
patterns of behaviour when it comes to Georgian mothers. As guests are seen as ‘gifts from God’ the
generosity of the Georgian family is overwhelming but there is a realisation by
the female guest that there is an assumption that nothing can or should remain
private. Especially around issues of ‘morality’. It soon becomes clear that any
lack of perceived morality immediately opens a door into villainy, and villainy
must be punished and the punishment is the right of the hero/ine to administer.
Questions
of the most intimate nature are asked and assessments are quickly made. The
woman is categorised with absolute certainty. What clothes do you wear? What face cream do
you use? What size are you? What colour bra do you wear? What do your parents
do? What age did you say you were? Do you have boyfriends? Have you been
married? Can you have children? How can your skin be so white? Do you smoke? Do
you drink? Why will you not eat? Eat more, Drink more. How can you have a child
already? Are you married? Where is your God? Who is your God? What car do you
drive? Is that your real hair colour? Are those curls real? Are you a good girl
or a bad girl? Are you a virgin or a whore?
It’s relentless. Questions from mothers, mothers of sons, friends of
brothers, aunts, wives, cousins, all related through marriage or baptism and all with a right, a claim, an opinion and all
in the name of the host.
So,
no matter what characteristics of a
hero/ine the girl may have, whether she is a mother or merely a mother in
waiting, the potential villain in the piece is now, the girl.
A
villain is a person capable of a crime or wickedness. The word comes from the Anglo-French and it means ‘base or low born’. It would
seem however that heroes can be villains and villains can be heroes. This is reinforced
according to some recent Stalinist propaganda films financed by Bank Constanta
(3) however, this particular double think seems to pertain more to men, men of
power. Saakashvili, I vanishvili and Stalin, whose statue will be restored on
December 21st, the dictator’s birth date, to Gori, his place of
birth. (4)
Where
are the women in this? In my experience the women are condemning other women
who speak out. They are creating villains, villains who cannot be hero/ines. The
mothers are grooming their daughters for marriage, ensuring they are virgins
and if they are not then they are financing operations that ensure that, on the
wedding night, they appear to be. (5) Women are encouraging their sons to have
sex with prostitutes and non-indigenous women ( preferably Western) and are
paying for their son’s first sexual experience at about the age of 14. Many
boys are taken to Russia for their ‘first’ time. Women arrange for their
daughters-in –law to be sterilized once they have had children and take them to
have selective sex abortions. Mothers encourage sons to continue to visit
prostitutes even after they are married and sit in judgement of their daughters
if they complain. Georgian women are encouraged to have sex merely to have babies – any form or enjoyment makes
her a bad girl. Often the only form of sex, when married, is in the missionary
position. A friend of mine wondered if the women had to be covered with a sheet
with a hole in it and if the woman made any kind of noise was she then
considered a whore?
I
know it seems extreme but for a country which is in so much turmoil as it
pushes and pulls against itself and tries to be heroic and not villainous I
wonder why the women are perpetuating such villainous behaviour amongst
themselves.
Of
course not all Georgian women are like this. And there are women all over the world who
perpetuate oppression of other women. And, many of my friends and contacts in
Georgia are finding their own place within marriage (and outside of it) and
society, in-spite of the gargantuan political turmoil that rages above and
around them in the run up to the election in October. Interestingly, no
candidate is looking at women’s issues as
potential vote winner.
And old habits die hard as hard-line matriarchs
align themselves to the patriarchal regime which seems almost impossible to
break away from.
Look no further than at
the recent International Day against homophobia (6) where amongst the 10,000 ‘protesters’
thronging the streets women were there,
brandishing nettles ready to sting and punish anyone who did not fit into their
world. Were they hero/ines?
I think they
thought they were.
I
guess the most terrible, shocking and depressing thing that was ever said to me
when discussing what characteristics were needed to be a true hero/ine were said a whole year before this march took
place.
We were talking about actions
that defined us and how Georgian history gave clues and guidelines to help
address these thorny issues.
I
was told that the most heroic thing that I could do if I had a son who was gay…
was to kill him. The father would then kill me, then himself – how else would
he live with the shame?
Sarah
Cobham 30th July 2013
2 http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21656615
Stalin hero division
3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N96Uzqdt3M&feature=uploademail Propaganda film about Stalin under the guise
of a Cultural production
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-nnrwsbf0s http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/europe/100512/losing-virginity-hymenoplasty-georgia
